Masukkan judul di sini


DISCLAIMER: Murni curhat nggak jelas. Run now!

I am having a hard time.

Sejauh ini, sekarang adalah yang terberat. Asal mulanya karena saya pulang dalam keadaan kalah. Bukan oleh siapapun. Saya dikalahkan oleh kelemahan saya sendiri. Ambisi yang belum tersampaikan. Kekalahan ini serta merta membuka jalan untuk segala rasa menjijikkan: lemah dan tidak percaya diri. Dan segala detil lain yang mengekor di baliknya. I still couldn’t write well what I am supposed to write on my paper. And the time is ticking.

Sebagian dari saya berfikir, I know, this is not the time to rethink the existence of the omnipotent God. He was there, then He wasn’t. Then He returns (probably?).

Again, my mind is crumbling. Nightmares after nightmares. Last night I dreamt of a big, vast body of water on my right side, and I was driving an old car through a narrow path, barely enough for my car. Some parts of the path were even flooded.

The other night, I was simply drown in an ocean. The vast ocean was always there, dream after dream after dream after dream.

Smirnoff ice could not help anymore. Perhaps I need the stronger ones?

When I am sober, I keep thinking about life. The universe.

Bukan saatnya. OK, mungkin saya perlu Tuhan.

Tapi khutbah Jumat yang terdengar dari masjid kampung sebelah sangat aneh.

Membaca Quran didahului wudhu, maka pahalanya 25. Jika tidak didahului wudhu, maka pahalanya cuma 10.

I chuckled. Memikirkan dengan satuan apa Tuhan  mengukur pahala dan dosa.

ph dan ds?

atau +ph dan -ph?

Dan mencoba menebak, berapa banyak pahala yang diperlukan untuk masuk surga.

It reminds me of a scene from Band of Brothers ep. 10. Everyone wanted to go home. But they needed minimum scores to go home. Not everyone had enough scores, simply because they were never wounded during the war. Then there was this soldier, named “Shifty” Powers. He didn’t have enough score to hit home, and his boss stepped in. They faked a lottery, and deliberately sent Shifty home for he had done too much for the war.

Mungkin, para wakil Tuhan di bumi sudah punya contekan skor minimal yang diperlukan untuk masuk surga. Tapi, kalau Tuhan betul omnipotent, maka sebagai boss, Tuhan berhak memberikan free pass kepada siapapun yang dimaui. Lady Gaga sekalipun.

I lost it there. He is gone, once again.

 

WHAT WAS THAT?

Haha.

Well, here is a picture of my son. Wrapped in blankie, like a burrito.

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